So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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