nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize