Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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