Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
