What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
