I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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