either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize