I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
