I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
