I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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