You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
