I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
