We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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