grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
