The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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