I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize