In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
