I heard we made out
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
that's an acceptable place to lick
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
