Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
