so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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