i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
