I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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