you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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