I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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