Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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