It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
