and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
