Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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