jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
