My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
