I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just had sex bonerless
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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