i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
