I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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