1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
