I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
