When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize