When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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