history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
