They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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