hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
