actually, I'm a sock model
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
