Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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