There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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