She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
