I'm really into asian looking animals
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
