Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
