piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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