Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
