Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
