Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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