dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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