alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize