12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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