literally had 100 drinks last night.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
