She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
