I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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