I want to walk on stilts...naked
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
