is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
