and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
