I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
