I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
