Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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