Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
