The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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