Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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