hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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